Scripts of the Revenant

if ever you call
and it is my name
might i never stall
answer just the same

you parents tried and
how well you grew up
far from wicked lands
blessings fill your cup

i'm a mighty weight
i'd be your flotsam
an apple you ate
ruined talisman

~t. de a.

woe is me. how terrible a curse it is to be forgotten, to be forced to be like everyone else. most people will never know the the pain of being left handed. surely most things are uni-hand (that word is as of now, copyrighted) like staplers, pens, paper clips, lunch boxes, lamps, food, and other things. but many things are not uni-hand, like monkey wrenches (ha!), certain knives, can openers, keyboards, dinner settings, hand-shaking, some door handles, writing quills, watches, coffee cups (it depends on the images), and a host of other things that are sadly not coming to mind.

i ruined four can openers in three years. i do have a strong grip- but seriously. i have broken two pairs of right handed scissors. why oh why? everyday i am forced to do right handed things (like right hand turns on red. but for good measure i throw in a left on red when i can).

i need ned flanders leftorium

posted by billiam at Friday, January 26, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

to-day i found out that i am indeed going to jamaica. and naturally a lot of funny things came to mind. imagine how much worse it would be if i were going to mexico. this all takes place thanks to a deal from work. some school bought a ton of furniture. actually several tons- i unloaded 11,000 pounds to-day alone (that's 5.5 tons). all by myself. and stacked it... all by myself... three high. after 72 boxes (about 150 a piece) even i get a little tired. just a little. and then i went to the gym for more. i felt so good i squatted 425 pounds.

i wonder how work will get me to jamaica. will i go by plane? or will i help save money by hitchhiking to florida and then steal a tire and swim my way over. no doubt i will be fighting through the mexicans trying to get over here. they might even try to take my tire.

if i remember right, and i am sure i do, i made lots of jokes about jamaicans. "get your lazy butt up and move this furniture, you better pray to bob marley that i don't catch you sitting around the rest of the day." "if you say, 'c'mon man' one more time, i swear you will be making cheap rip off cubans by the end of the week." "get to work, money doesn't grow on trees! well, down here maybe- isn't your currency bananas?" "who is playing that come-a-come-a-come-a-come-a chameleon song?"

they might think i am a nazi. "no fruit one year!"

(thanks paul)

who knows. i just know that it will be way to friggen hot. and there is no good beer down there. looks like i need to do my airport ritual.

posted by billiam at Wednesday, January 24, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

this is the longest summer in my whole entire life. and i am thoroughly sick of it. there is no need for it. if this is global warming- i will give up my car and take out all the cars in this country. my tolerance for heat is diminishing rapidly.

now on to the odd. my jacket has been left in the care of my old roommate and good friend andrew. he was kind enough to take it with him after i had left from college. in a haste of packing to get the heck out before anyone took away my diploma for destroying a library, i left behind my jacket. this jacket was quite expensive too- it was a gift for Christmas many years ago.

well, as you know- pa has had no winter this year. but i came home to see a package by the door that the postman (or postwoman) left by the door. it contained a jacket, more importantly, my jacket. i was happy to see it again, though it is not needed here in the land without winter. that was yesterday. it snowed to-day. how weird. that's right, it had nothing to do with the weather, just the jacket. do not argue the point.

on to the cool. apple iphone. i want one so freakin bad. sadly they introduced it five months before you can buy it. thanks. this phone is wicked cool. the show it off at the apple website, however they leave out a few key points (in my opinion).

they did not explain if the iphone can open attachments like .doc or whatever excel is. you can send and open attachments of pictures, but what about text docs? it is months off, so i hope to get that cleared up. i am also waiting a few months after it comes out, so that i can hear people complain or cheer it. i am expecting nothing but cheers- but i have been let down before (haven't i santa? ya bastard).

posted by billiam at Wednesday, January 10, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

ever hear of weemee? it is kind of fun. and this one is just like me- i always wear nothing but a scarf and ear muffs. oh, and a leaf. can't just walk around in the wind without it.

i am sick. coughing, sniffing, hurting in the throat. booo! one plus is that i have a much deeper voice. i hope that it does not go away. i want to keep it. if i do keep it, i will start singing older tunes by frank, barry, and the likes. until then, i will keep feeling terrible and what not.

posted by billiam at Wednesday, January 03, 2007 | Permalink | Comments