28 May 2005

while bleak sincerity gives way to incandescent clarity

you're the next disappointing boom
burning out in the same black room
nothing's real if you read the news
if you bled the blues
prove it to the world
now drink and be real
this is the last time

so this trip is done, and these days as sure to follow. i think lately i have been trying to make plans with my life- and when i do that it gets all sorts of crappy. and then i act, no offense of course, like you guys. i have a chapter of grace that is over one thousand pages long, and it seems that recently that i had tried a new chapter. and that one sucked. i used to be so carefree about anything and everything.

and now i am going to revert. i am so done with the nonsense of, "oh my gosh what am i going to do?" the burdens of worrisomeness makes me sleepy- something i am usually not. so i am to revert to my 'younger' self. back before possessions, back before money, back to the chapter of grace- which i am sure will be added to. won't my autobiography be fun? i mean, really, i am irish.

now i am gonna go shower- cause i am good like that

19 May 2005

passing thoughts

"every moment
that you're here
I feel lashes on my ear
subtle difference disappears"

well, anne boleyn was beheaded to-day. that is to say, this day a number of years ago.

soon i should be leaving the company of an old friend. which is just as well i think. sometimes you can learn too much about a person when you are really not looking to find it. and anyways- i have never been in the same spot for more than a year anyways.

i should soon be leaving again after my next move. this time a cross-continental flight is to carry me and my few possessions to a new adventure. my life is one adventure with several chapters. sometimes i wonder how long a book would be if i were to write all of them down. it is hard for people to picture some of the stories i tell, unless of course, they have met me. those of you who know me know that i have some truly great stories. and surely those of you who know me know that i will have a great many more.

i wonder if i will settle down ever. actually plan things out, stop flying by the seat of my pants. if i do- i wonder if the rest of me will change. would i start wearing a shirt? would i seem like a dog who has been fixed? would my words change? words tend to get people into trouble- mine seem to keep me from it, and only in the fact that they tend to make people laugh.

i suppose if i did write a book of my adventures, i would certainly have to devote a whole (and rather long) chapter to grace, for it is just that that has kept me here so long, and kept me from notable setbacks, some of which might have kept me from my newest adventure.

p.s. mattathias- as it stands, i cannot get a masters by coursework for philosophy at the university of melbourne, so i need to do it by masters by research, aka big ass paper. i was thinking the idea of rights, human rights, and their claims to them. what do you think? i can email you more specifics if you would like.

12 May 2005

why i am the devil

"continuing failing these trials
but you stand by me nonetheless
and you won't let me sink though i'm begging you
i'm begging you"

a lot of weird things have been happening to me as of late. most recently i went to subway. "surely," you say, "there is nothing that would make you seem like the devil there." and you would be wrong- dead wrong. as normally as i can be, i proceeded like any other normal day to order a delicious italian bmt, foot-long of course. by the time i get my choice of cheese and other condiments onto my sub, hoagie, hero- whathave you, i went to pay. after adding a medium drink the grand total is: $6.66. i have bought this combo several times without that number staring at me from behind the costumer charge window.

i then started laughing, and for those of you who have heard my laugh- it can be quite loud, ominous, frightening, insert other adjectives. more than once, ask matt reed, i have been told i laugh like satan. matt heard a passerby describe me upon hearing my laugh as satan. though i have never met the fallen one- i liken to think that my laugh is much more deep and abrasive. maybe i will never know.

the moderately older lady behind the register took three steps back and stared at me. she would not touch my money, i laid it on the counter- took the seventh dollar bill back and replaced it with exact change which i acquired from the person standing next to me in the line of hungry health conscious gurus swayed by those commercials of that fat guy gone skinny. and even then someone else had to finish the money transaction for the scared old lady. now comes the very funny part- she was of hispanic decent- and i am sure you already guessed it, "es diablo."

and if any of you know tina mann or frankie soon to be married, ask them what my odometer read when we were in the church parking lot one fine sunday morning- 666. another time with tina, she asked me how many crunches she did- i guessed 120. i was right. she was shocked, and we were just discussing how my friends back home call me satan cause i guess things like that too precisely. she then follows with another question hoping to lead to the answer of the number of crunches that her friend did, i guess 80. right.

a very old friend just bought a lap-top computer, and asked me how much he paid for it. well- he lives in guam, and i have not seen him in a very long time. he told me nothing of the lap-top other than it was a dell. so i just guessed. i replied that it probably has 128mb ram, 60 gigs, 15 inch display, and 64mb graphics card, about 850. a long silence was broken by the words i hear all to often when someone i know describes me- "SATAN!"

so for those of you who know me- perhaps you should be wary, i might be incognito. or an angel in disguise- i mean really, doing devilish things is a great disguise for an angel, no?

if any of you have a story that i missed involving me being satan- feel free to add it in the comments.

04 May 2005

"i'll be sure to write" "and i'll be sure to learn how to read"

02 May 2005

watch out, nukes are coming!

"and i was asleep where the lord showed his worth
i jumped down the well where the water was hurt
before falling angels must glide back to earth
send down a bucket of girls"

ok, honestly- i know that the north koreans shot a missile. then while i was running my routine six minute mile, i almost fell off the treadmill as i was struck with laughter. it was so amazing, "headlining news, north korea has just become a nuclear threat to the united states." oh? cause i just read that they only had 'long range attack missiles' that went just as far as japan. so who is lying- who is hyping it up? don't get me wrong- i can make a story sound 8 times better than the way it actually happens too, but with the most interesting life i lead i don't have to.

and i love- 'the terror level has just been lowered now to yellow.' good, now i can stop buy water from the store, and refill my old storage water bottles, stop wearing my bullet proof vest, take the bars off my window, collect my mail, and let my friends know of my new secret password to get into my house.

now, i know everyone knows of micheal moore- and though i think he bent our eyes as far as he could, i do agree with his one statement that the chance of me being attacked by a terrorist is... rounding up- about 0%-1%. sure i am severely sorry for those families that went through it, i am sorry for those still trying to make it, but long and short- i am not buying a set of metal chained ladders so that i can climb out of my window in case of a terrorist attack.

i am getting away from the start of this... ah yes, north korea. how concerned should we be. "star wars works," few, then we can shoot that stuff out of the sky. but their long range attack is very limited- and that is not to say that mayhaps japan should be concerned- that was not the new report. it focused soley on the idea that we, the u.s., could be at risk of attack. not very likely at all.

though i do not quite know the instability of a poorer nation like north korea, i am still not at all concerned with getting 'nuked.'

so i will continue to run my six minute miles worry free.

about me

  • i'm billiam
  • from prague, Czechia
  • where capital letters have been executed! let's see... i really dislike sunny days. i love precipitation of all kinds. snow is my favorite. i wish that it could be no more than fifty degrees fahrenheit, and clouds covering the sky. i enjoy friends and beer- in that order. i dislike wearing shirts. my random thoughts and unanswerable questions keep me up at night. when i sleep i have dreams; long epic dreams. i believe that it is important to be fit in mental, physical, and emotional capacities. any food worth eating should be as organic as possible, without additives that have letters p, k, x, c, h in close proximity without vowels. save a cow- eat a vegetarian.
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