19 February 2006


it is with a heavy heart
placed terribly in my throat
as i watch, after you part
to my new days, and their new starts.
~t de a

things are going to get quieter around here. the 'tour de force' will not be held until we meet again- no one is ever up for that. if i thank either of you for anything, let it be to thank you for being great friends. your road turned quickly, but know there are more turns. frankie- thanks for all the breakfasts, and your early morning company.

i feel a splendid second birthday coming up. the 17th couldn't be any closer.

job search may be over. 32k has been issued as standard pay. perhaps i just need a new place to live. anyone need a spry, overly energetic, loud laughing roommate?

13 February 2006

and my turn?

teaming with false ideas
tightly forged arms
wrap around me
forcing my eyes
in one direction

going to work to-day was a little depressing. to help me cope, frankie thankfully decided to keep the early morning routine where i would stop by help finish breakfast and (you should be glad you are not around lucas) drink coffee. though when frankita leaves, that too will end. i suppose i could just try one of their neighbors, maybe they would like to start up a breakfast time.

so long levi- glad you are done in the warehouse. i would have been pissed if you didn't take this opportunity to get yourself closer to where you should be. you'll find something quickly frankie- you will see.

then there is the problem that i have. i have been feeling down lately. it seems that i might not actually be leaving for a new job, the pay here is (supposed) to increase, and it could beat the competition.
plus their is the grad school bit- i want to go, but i am having a very hard time coming up with some 'new' perspective. i want to apply by the end of february, but i dunno if it is possible.
matt is thankfully sending some books.

i believe that i have a problem- reliance. i daresay that i rely not on what is to be relied upon. it came to me last night, when like most nights i didn't sleep, that i am trying to hard to be a self-made man. i seemingly put only so much reliance on God, on whom i should be relying on unconditionally, unswervingly and without question. after such a realization, i am calling myself to a change.

i used to be ever a fan of taking step to some unknown part of my life. yet ever since i move to philly i have been placing myself into tight constricting restraints that do not allow for movement towards an unknown- thus making me less reliant on God who i (should) know will ever take care of me.

here we go.

10 February 2006

looking after

i hold your head deep in my arms
my fingertips they close your eyes
off you dream, my little child
there's a sun around the bend
~pearl jam

as some of you know- i have been looking for a job, with no luck, mind you. then, after a few months, i get offered two jobs. one in the field of shipping/receiving, the other just management at a plant of some sorts. both jobs require that i keep those under me accountable to their work (i do that now- so nothing really new). then the pay takes account.

new job #1:
$30,000 (told the guy i need more, waiting to hear)
8 hours a week, no weekends (possible overtime)
shipping/receiving/inventory/training new employees
~i will have to move closer to the city- which increases my expenses, thus i need more money.

new job #2:
$30,000 (with overtime that could bring it to $40,000)
no less than 8 hours a day, some saturdays.
planning work day for employees/supervising/filling in when someone is out.

current job:
to be increased to $32,000, currently $28,000
no weekends, hours vary.
shipping/receiving/inventory/training new employees/fill in/customer relations/accounts receivable/vendor maintenance/repair man/custodian/quality control/quality assurance.

so... any choice is moving up. i have places to stay, but expenses will increase, so the overtime will be nice. both of the other jobs require less work, less b.s. and probably a lower level of stress, but anyone who knows me, knows that stress is for the most part obsolete in my life as i am perhaps too immature to recognise it.

plus there is the whole idea of, what to do with grad school. is it ok to put it off for a bit? i am for 2 years, but how much longer should i? if i take either of the new jobs, i will be closer to colleges so that if i wanted to i could take a class or two. if i can get jeffery to pump out to 32.5k or 33k, then i would probably stay- i read about 200-300 pages a week, and still learning norwegian, so i think educationally i am doing ok.
decisions, decisions.

about me

  • i'm billiam
  • from prague, Czechia
  • where capital letters have been executed! let's see... i really dislike sunny days. i love precipitation of all kinds. snow is my favorite. i wish that it could be no more than fifty degrees fahrenheit, and clouds covering the sky. i enjoy friends and beer- in that order. i dislike wearing shirts. my random thoughts and unanswerable questions keep me up at night. when i sleep i have dreams; long epic dreams. i believe that it is important to be fit in mental, physical, and emotional capacities. any food worth eating should be as organic as possible, without additives that have letters p, k, x, c, h in close proximity without vowels. save a cow- eat a vegetarian.
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