spoilers are dumb
i've not made amends for my yesterdays
my lips won't get me out of it
waking up dreading hearing tales
of all my nightmares coming true.
~i forget, snow patrol maybe?
ok, now i am not saying that all spoilers are dumb. sometimes i like looking up information about an album, book or movie before i hear, read or see it. and most people are considerate enough to let you know that there is going to be a spoiler, and that i should avert my ears or eyes, or... both... either way- i am not talking about those spoilers. i am also not talking about the 'spoilers' that the preservatives keep under control in our food. i think those spoilers are called germs, or something like that, i do not know, i tend just to eat, germs or not.
the spoilers i am talking about are the ones you see on cars. you know, like the ones you see on a 'suped up' honda civic, or saturn sedan that is all grey (ready to be painted for the next four years). most of these cars have 'for sale' signs on them. they realised that their cars were ok before, and now they look like shit. and since no one wants to buy a car with holes on the top of the trunk. well, maybe if you are smuggling dirty mexicans into our country then you would.
but on one sunday, the one after saturday, a normal day, i was coming home from church. as i put on my signal to let the car two inches away from my bumper know that i will be coming to a complete obnoxious stop before i go turn onto the street of my desired route home, a van approached the stop sign. normally i would think nothing of a mini van pulling up to a stop sign, even if i were going to turn on the same street; but this one was different. granny mcfierson (as i am naming her) came to a stop, but her hubcaps kept spinning. i started to laugh, and only laughed harder when i saw a spoiler on the back van. why o why does anyone need a spoiler on a mini van? all of those crazy-ass turns at .5 miles an hour- the aerodynamic design of the mini van forces all of the wind through the spoiler and then keeps the back end from fish-tailing about. who knew that granny mcfierson, who obviously drives like a bat out of hades, knew so much about spoilers. i bet you anything, she intimidates anyone at a red light. i should buy racing gloves and keep them handy so that if i see her again i can give it to her.
