Scripts of the Revenant

first- i updated my profile. you can click on it if you want- no huge change. just minuscule ones. and a funny one.

i had my first czech lesson to-day. it was pretty good i think. my tutor says i am clever. that makes me feel good. she said that i will be speaking czech in no time. which sounds great to me- because all i hear is how hard this language is. once i get the hang of reading the newspaper, i will be fine.

i played a great game to-day. i played it in two, one hour spurts. and i beat it too. it is quite fun. i made a few good puzzles myself. here is that game. nah, just kidding, that is a picture of a gnome. this is that game (for realsies). it is for mac and pc.

stef bought herself (ourselves?) a web cam. no- we are not the horny naked people on the internet doing what probably should not be done. we stay normally clothed. which if you do not know me, means i do not have a shirt on. and if you do not know her- her clothes are still on. i already purchased the isight a while ago. and now i have a great reason to use it. long distance relationships work better when you can see the person. i think.

posted by billiam at Saturday, April 28, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

so, here in prague now. and while i was in the city i noticed that there are almost no building lower than four stories. some are being renovated and or restored. seems a shame that in the u.s. we have the technology to make great older looking buildings, but we never seem to do it that way. wonder why.

lukáš is a kind person. we get along well. we are both funny. (i know what you are thinking, yes i think i am very funny. i said it before, and i will say it again- i am the funniest person i know). when i first got into the apartment, he showed me the living room which had a bed in it, and he said, "here you go, billy. this is our bed." now, i did not want to seem impolite as i looked at the not so large bed. and he said, "haha, just kidding." that was a good one. he actually gave me the biggest room and the biggest bed. too kind.

lukáš reminds me a lot of a friend i used to have in college. brian bartz was his name. if any of you (not all of you of course) remember him, he was skinny and funny. we used to hang out a lot. and, let us just say, we do not hang out anymore, nor will we ever again. good luck to him though. but if i see him again, i will deff knock him out.

moving on...

i bought a beer the other day for 7 krouns. that is 30¢. if that were in the states most college kids would fail out. or their liver would give half way through their life. that is not to say that people here do not abuse it, i am sure that there are some who do. beer is cheaper than water here. gas at one time used to be cheaper than water in the states. gas is wicked expensive here, but the cars get better gas mileage. there is no need to own huge gas guzzling behemoths out here. in fact- we cannot complain about the price of gas. especially those of us who drive the exceptionally large cars.

i went took some pics of the very old monastery. i have some pics, you can find them, and more, here. sorry, i meant here. that first one is just a picture of a hamster. the pics came out all right. most of them are sepia- all nostalgic like. that way i can say i took them in 1852. i am sure someone will buy that. someone... anyone... no?

most people are quite friendly to this little foreigner. and apparently they like my accents. but sorry ladies, i am already taken. but thanks for thinking of me. speaking of taken- my every so nice girlfriend shipped to me a box full of shorts, some moleskines (definitely worth it), and some other things. see it is hot over here. 23ºc is shorts weather. any hotter and i will suddenly catch fire. spontaneously combust. but i could not take my shorts- i only had so much room. thanks stefanie!

oh- and for damn sammys, that is what i am telling people over here is the perfect way to insult an american. uncle sam... sammys. the people i tell it to get a good laugh. as do i. rew and i came up with that while in scotland. i could not even begin to recall the conversation to which i blurted that gem out, but then again, i say a lot of odd things at odd times. sort of like that hamsters link. or this one (thanks matt).

posted by billiam at Sunday, April 22, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

unlike heathrow, i got into the czech republic very quickly and easily. i knew that flying into the u.k. with air india would be suspicious. on air india- i would fit the terrorist profile. when i got to the czech immigration check-in, i was last in line. the immigration officer was asking everyone all sorts of questions. then he got to me:

immigration officer: hello
me: dobry den

he looks at my passport, scans it. looks at me. stamps my passport.

immigration officer: bye bye
me: ?!?!?!

i was shocked it was that easy. though after the hogwarts even in london- i thought i was to go through another suspicious event. good thing i flew british airways. i prayed that i would get in easy enough, so thank you God.

george (daniela's nephew) picked me up at the airport and we went to his car. on the elevator ride up, we got stuck. i have not even been in the country twenty minutes, and i am stuck in a metal box. and it was getting hot. i started to sweat. no good- i stink when i sweat. and since i left my deodorant in the states, i was worse than normal. (and my toothbrush i left too- cause sally the grey-hound ate it. she's a nice dog- just a bit too hungry.) george started pushing buttons and then he found the siren button. we had a good laugh as he was beeping techno like. then the box with buttons started to beep and sound like a telephone. someone on the other side started talking- to which george started talking. about twenty minutes later 'help' arrived. the rescue team comprised of one man with a bar and a set of keys. george had already opened the elevator door to see that were were about two and a half feet shy of the outside door. but we could have gotten out ourselves. the rescue guy just opened the doors like we had already. if we had only known.

george then loaded his car with my stuff, and we went to go to lukas's house. and we got lost. measures up to the rest of the trip really. but we found it eventually and now i am here. in prague, and unpacked. and shaved. and a haircut... two bits? the apartment is really nice- i shall shoot a few pictures (can i say shoot on the internet anymore? i could say bang out a few pictures, but that sounds like a porno shoot. ), i mean take a few pictures and post them.

the toilets have two buttons. one for #1, and one for the deuce. or push both for the double deuce. or a dead animal, or your stash if the cops knock on the door.

the first gym i looked at was smaller than our apartment. so to-day i look for another one. the apartment is a few minutes walk from a monastery that was built in 993, and a few minutes tram ride in the opposite direction from prague castle. fun.

posted by billiam at Thursday, April 19, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

that's right, 11,277 meters, at a whopping 796 kilometers per hour. and it is -63º centigrade out. for those of us non-metric citizens, i am 3700 feet up, and cruising at 494 miles per hour, and it is -81º fahrenheit. for those of you who have can't measure, i am up really high and moving very fast, and it is cold out. for the rest of you, wheeeeeeeeeeee!

today's in flight meal is... chicken sandwich. now- most of you know that i do not like chicken, but more than that it makes my stomach upset. one time (when i used to eat there a couple of years ago), i was at macdonald's to get some second breakfast. i asked for a number 4, it was sausage biscuits or something (the breakfast menu was still up). well, i got the lunch menu number 4 instead. it was a chicken sandwich. i choked it down, but i felt really upset in the tummy after that.

to-day i have not eaten since rew and i left our nice peach smelling hotel in the morning- and that was at 8:30 something. i was friggin hungry. so i took the sandwich to end the pangs coming from inside my stomach. well, about 15 minutes ago, i got ill. i have now raised my level for chicken to the highest that i can muster, level red- just like our silly terror alert level. foul.

if you have never thrown up on a plane- well, let me tell you, you are missing nothing at all. now, forgive me as i end this post. i need to catch the stewardess to get another whiskey to settle my stomach.

i suppose the good news is that no one sitting next to me has ever known anyone to throw up on a plane, so we had a good laugh about it. how many people have ever been able to laugh over puke? i never have. and lately i have had a terrible vomit streak. that's like three times in less than a year, which is starkly different to the like ten year streak of no vomiting that i had going.

posted by billiam at Monday, April 16, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

when rew and i were in inverness, scotland, we checked out some b&b's. the second one we got to had a very nice and funny man. the first one had an open door but one was home; back to the second one. rew asked for a double, and in a perfectly natural scottish accent the man said, "sorry, i only have a double bed... you're not gay are ya?" it was funny. so then we went next door. it was another b&b. the guy in there was talking about his blood pressure and said that it was being affected by, "fags and whiskey." to which i instantly said, "what?!?" i forgot that i was in a different country and that they had different slang then we do. but really, that would mess up my blood pressure too.

posted by billiam at Monday, April 16, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

we arrived at heathrow. after waiting twenty minutes to get into the bay so that they could let us out. when rew and i got off the plane we had to walk about one mile to get to the immigration check in. and things took off from there.

the immigration officer found it strange that i would have quit my job and planned on spending a week here in the U.K., with real intentions to go further to the czech republic. however, she informed me that they had run out of truth serum. so... i was assigned to an immigration detective. but before she came i had to wait about thirty minutes, small time criminals like myself need to sweat it out. she questioned me in great detail for about twenty more minutes, and the disappeared. about thirty minutes later she reappeared all harry potter like and asked me to go get my bags with her so that she could look through them.

and boy did she look through them. she decided that it was quite important to read my journal in great detail- just to make sure that i had indeed told her the truth. that my journal might hold some devastating secrets. instead of pulling out her wand and saying, 'reveal thy secrets,' she just started to read it. seeing that i have filled it out quite a bit, she asked me to return to the chair that i have been so kindly waited for her twice before. about half of one hour later, she came out of the room and agreed with the pages of my journal, and my words both- that i was genuinely going to the czech republic. then she turned into a cat and scampered away.

perhaps it is pertinent that i get a flexible flight from the czech republic to the states. that way i can avoid another onslaught of wizened wizards and their peculiar questions.

posted by billiam at Wednesday, April 11, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

soaring at a wonderful 38000 ft


what a day! rew and i made the trek from down off of my mountain to spend the night in town. up & atom (raineer wolfcastle) at eight o'clock was i. beep beep was rew and his alarm on rapid snooze. ten o'clock found us again on the road- to the bank to cash a check, to ross's house so that i can give ross $11.00 and leave a ridiculous note, then off to n.y.c.

all was well until we were about ten minutes, or less, from jfk. then traffic was at a crawl. i am abso-bloody-lutely no good at standstill traffic. but perhaps it was knowing that i was in the midst of fine company, or perhaps because of God- i was behaved.

rew took part of my flight ritual, which is to have a pint before take-off. then we awaited the plane.

onto the plane- the indian couple sitting in the same three seat row i was about to get into got up and left. apparently on 'air india' i am the terrorist. so i was alone. rew booked his flight later than i, and therefore had a different seat. no biggie- billy is a big boy now!

a little bit later an indian man came to sit with me. he was quite talkative, however his english needs much improvement. i talked to him as much as i could while at the same time writing emails that i cannot send. thanks to him i learned something about international flights. Johnny Walker red is free. at least three glasses of it...

then meals came round. my next-to passenger informed me of what i was eating. i noticed that he was not eating the mutton that i was eating. then i remembered, there is nothing more at peace then a hindu cow.

ahh... all this while flying high at 38,000 feet at 603 miles per hour.

oh... and it is -49 degrees out.

posted by billiam at Wednesday, April 11, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

goodbye middleburgh. goodbye new york. goodbye u.s.a.. good bye north america.

hello europe. hello england. hello london. hello heathrow. now off to scotland, bi*$hes!

what a time in good ol' middleburgh. i love that where i live it was snowing everyday. i love that in town it only rained. what a mountain. what a town.

my last outing was spent at lion heart's. i think. either way, i won at darts, and had my favorite drink- the camel bite. though the camel bite is exclusive to the old toad of rochester new york, i bring it with me when i can. i noticed that on the 'on tap' list there was strongbow. a most excellent cider. and there was new castle, the one and only. well- this time i appropriately asked for the camel bite. (one time while i was visiting rew in delaware, i asked for a camel toe. and i could go on- but i think i will not) half strongbow, half new castle, with just enough room for something else. i cannot disclose that information though. it will be a staple at the pub i am going to own when i am older.

i got to meet a lot of people from my youth who i have spent many long years knowing.

now it is time to get my bags packed (all of about twenty minutes). piece of cake. stay tuned for the updates from scotland. world wide web- thanks al gore.

posted by billiam at Wednesday, April 11, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

to-morrow is the day i get my international license. (matt- you know what that means right?) there are a lot of different countries i plan on visiting. and some i will avoid. i will avoid some my whole entire life. like mexico- and the dirty countries below it.

i had a dream and a cat talked to me. and a kitten mocked a dog barking. hilarious.

few more days and england here i come. and you are not too far scotland. good thing europe is big- cause i might need to lay low here and there. i must restrain myself from a massive library caper.

posted by billiam at Tuesday, April 03, 2007 | Permalink | Comments