Scripts of the Revenant

from the same bad writer of this blog, comes another sometimes funny blog! come join me here. or is it here? be there or be square. "we'll be there like shareware" good ol strong bad's teen girl squad.

p.s. i will be updating the pic at the top periodically.

p.p.s. click meet me. it has a hilarious pic.

posted by billiam at Thursday, May 17, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

the pipe reminds me of chaplain russel who used to call me pip. what fun. i called him chappy once. that night he threw me into four guys walking behind us in pearce hall. what a guy.

posted by billiam at Monday, May 07, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

after i was done watching spiderman 3, i walked to the tram stop so that i could hop on my tram and let it make my way home. on my way i ran into a man who was professionally dressed, that is to say he was wearing a suit, and who was professionally drunk. he was trying to catch my attention. i told him that i do not speak much czech- but he assured me that he spoke american. i know- i did not bother telling him that it is english.

he was a nice enough guy, but he was a bit too drunk for my attention- until he started to yell. he said, 'my friend we must crush the communists!' i told him i thought that they were all gone. he put his hands on my shoulders and told me that he needs to make me understand that at any time we must crush the communists. i agreed, because i was not really wanting to hear him yell about. i saw my tram and told him that i needed to get going.

i missed that tram because the stop was a bit farther than i thought it was going to be. but i knew that there would be another one in due time. as i waited for number twenty-two, number nine showed up. the doors open, like they do, people got off, the doors closed. a girl came running up and tried pushing the doors frantically. (i have been told that the trams stop at midnight- and it was about 23:45, i was doubtful that number nine would come again until morning.) so i gave the door a really hard hit on the hinges and it flew open. i do not think that it is common place for them to do so as i judge the wide-eyed stares from the people on the tram, people at the stop waiting for other trams, and the girl who quickly turned at me, hopped on the tram and smiled awkwardly. just trying to help.

and now to spiderman 3. they were trying to cram too much in too little time. and if you know the comic- the venom suit makes peter parker a bit of a jerk. in the movie he seemed really pissed off all of the time when he had the suit. but i would have been pissed off too- see his haircut was atrocious when he was 'bad ass' peter parker. i would have gotten rid of that suit as soon as i could if i knew it was going to turn my hair into the worse style imaginable.

posted by billiam at Friday, May 04, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

you will know it's me
just enough to see the sun
i'm holding your hands
~t de a

to-day was a great day. i met some damn sammys living her in the czech republic. i was invited to their get together. apparently this tuesday marked a holiday. most people had off from work. lukas said that it is something about burning witches. right...

well, we went to dejvicka, and not far from there was a great park. oddly enough just a short walk away from a macdonald's. kind of odd. even more odd was that morgan spurlock was chowing down on a big mac. but, hey- come on, sometimes you just have to.

we threw the football around, which might have made us stand out as americans. well, that or the frisbee. and if those items did not catch the attention of the czech people- our baseball game did. some people just sat and watched. it was fun- we just kept taking turns until everyone had hit a few balls.

so... then it was my turn. i love baseball. not so much on t.v., but i love playing it. i have an ability to crush the ball. it was home-run after home-run. boy do i love hitting things. i mean playing baseball... nice save.

and i got a job contact. a very nice guy gave me his email so that i could give him my cv so that he could see if his company would like to hire another american. it would be swell if they did. nothing says, 'i'm staying,' like a job. well, i could think of a few ways. and this guy would help me. or this guy. i mean, really- orko could sell anything. by the way- what the hell is orko? anyone?

well, all this old cartoon stuff is making me want to download an episode of bananas in pajamas.

that's right- what of it?

posted by billiam at Tuesday, May 01, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

first- i updated my profile. you can click on it if you want- no huge change. just minuscule ones. and a funny one.

i had my first czech lesson to-day. it was pretty good i think. my tutor says i am clever. that makes me feel good. she said that i will be speaking czech in no time. which sounds great to me- because all i hear is how hard this language is. once i get the hang of reading the newspaper, i will be fine.

i played a great game to-day. i played it in two, one hour spurts. and i beat it too. it is quite fun. i made a few good puzzles myself. here is that game. nah, just kidding, that is a picture of a gnome. this is that game (for realsies). it is for mac and pc.

stef bought herself (ourselves?) a web cam. no- we are not the horny naked people on the internet doing what probably should not be done. we stay normally clothed. which if you do not know me, means i do not have a shirt on. and if you do not know her- her clothes are still on. i already purchased the isight a while ago. and now i have a great reason to use it. long distance relationships work better when you can see the person. i think.

posted by billiam at Saturday, April 28, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

so, here in prague now. and while i was in the city i noticed that there are almost no building lower than four stories. some are being renovated and or restored. seems a shame that in the u.s. we have the technology to make great older looking buildings, but we never seem to do it that way. wonder why.

lukáš is a kind person. we get along well. we are both funny. (i know what you are thinking, yes i think i am very funny. i said it before, and i will say it again- i am the funniest person i know). when i first got into the apartment, he showed me the living room which had a bed in it, and he said, "here you go, billy. this is our bed." now, i did not want to seem impolite as i looked at the not so large bed. and he said, "haha, just kidding." that was a good one. he actually gave me the biggest room and the biggest bed. too kind.

lukáš reminds me a lot of a friend i used to have in college. brian bartz was his name. if any of you (not all of you of course) remember him, he was skinny and funny. we used to hang out a lot. and, let us just say, we do not hang out anymore, nor will we ever again. good luck to him though. but if i see him again, i will deff knock him out.

moving on...

i bought a beer the other day for 7 krouns. that is 30¢. if that were in the states most college kids would fail out. or their liver would give half way through their life. that is not to say that people here do not abuse it, i am sure that there are some who do. beer is cheaper than water here. gas at one time used to be cheaper than water in the states. gas is wicked expensive here, but the cars get better gas mileage. there is no need to own huge gas guzzling behemoths out here. in fact- we cannot complain about the price of gas. especially those of us who drive the exceptionally large cars.

i went took some pics of the very old monastery. i have some pics, you can find them, and more, here. sorry, i meant here. that first one is just a picture of a hamster. the pics came out all right. most of them are sepia- all nostalgic like. that way i can say i took them in 1852. i am sure someone will buy that. someone... anyone... no?

most people are quite friendly to this little foreigner. and apparently they like my accents. but sorry ladies, i am already taken. but thanks for thinking of me. speaking of taken- my every so nice girlfriend shipped to me a box full of shorts, some moleskines (definitely worth it), and some other things. see it is hot over here. 23ºc is shorts weather. any hotter and i will suddenly catch fire. spontaneously combust. but i could not take my shorts- i only had so much room. thanks stefanie!

oh- and for damn sammys, that is what i am telling people over here is the perfect way to insult an american. uncle sam... sammys. the people i tell it to get a good laugh. as do i. rew and i came up with that while in scotland. i could not even begin to recall the conversation to which i blurted that gem out, but then again, i say a lot of odd things at odd times. sort of like that hamsters link. or this one (thanks matt).

posted by billiam at Sunday, April 22, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

unlike heathrow, i got into the czech republic very quickly and easily. i knew that flying into the u.k. with air india would be suspicious. on air india- i would fit the terrorist profile. when i got to the czech immigration check-in, i was last in line. the immigration officer was asking everyone all sorts of questions. then he got to me:

immigration officer: hello
me: dobry den

he looks at my passport, scans it. looks at me. stamps my passport.

immigration officer: bye bye
me: ?!?!?!

i was shocked it was that easy. though after the hogwarts even in london- i thought i was to go through another suspicious event. good thing i flew british airways. i prayed that i would get in easy enough, so thank you God.

george (daniela's nephew) picked me up at the airport and we went to his car. on the elevator ride up, we got stuck. i have not even been in the country twenty minutes, and i am stuck in a metal box. and it was getting hot. i started to sweat. no good- i stink when i sweat. and since i left my deodorant in the states, i was worse than normal. (and my toothbrush i left too- cause sally the grey-hound ate it. she's a nice dog- just a bit too hungry.) george started pushing buttons and then he found the siren button. we had a good laugh as he was beeping techno like. then the box with buttons started to beep and sound like a telephone. someone on the other side started talking- to which george started talking. about twenty minutes later 'help' arrived. the rescue team comprised of one man with a bar and a set of keys. george had already opened the elevator door to see that were were about two and a half feet shy of the outside door. but we could have gotten out ourselves. the rescue guy just opened the doors like we had already. if we had only known.

george then loaded his car with my stuff, and we went to go to lukas's house. and we got lost. measures up to the rest of the trip really. but we found it eventually and now i am here. in prague, and unpacked. and shaved. and a haircut... two bits? the apartment is really nice- i shall shoot a few pictures (can i say shoot on the internet anymore? i could say bang out a few pictures, but that sounds like a porno shoot. ), i mean take a few pictures and post them.

the toilets have two buttons. one for #1, and one for the deuce. or push both for the double deuce. or a dead animal, or your stash if the cops knock on the door.

the first gym i looked at was smaller than our apartment. so to-day i look for another one. the apartment is a few minutes walk from a monastery that was built in 993, and a few minutes tram ride in the opposite direction from prague castle. fun.

posted by billiam at Thursday, April 19, 2007 | Permalink | Comments